The Stewardship of Blessings

 

"The world asks, 'What does a man own?'

Christ asks, 'How does he use it?'"

-Andrew Murray

On one of my recent morning walks I was struck by the thought that blessings take work. I try to walk most days of the week early in the morning before children are up but I am not a natural morning person so this can prove difficult. When I do the work of getting to bed early enough to be able to get up with passable ease, the blessing of walking along the river makes it worth the effort.  I have seen many wild animals on my early walks, river otter, fox, deer, ducks with their ducklings and blue herons. The work is worth the return and I gain far more than I give up.

I think of other blessings that require time and oftentimes, planning. Individual dates with my kids is one. Even if it's just tea and a treat together, if I don't stop and intentionally steward that time for us it doesn't happen. Other personal examples include, taking time to play the piano, watercolor, garden, read a fun novel. These are all blessings given to me by God not to hoard and hide away but to use.

I am thankful for that God-given thought that blessings take work. I sometimes felt a little resentful that even enjoyable things required labor. I don't think the work should detract from the joy of the blessing but instead add to it because things that are worth our time and stewardship give far more than they take.

Give Sorrow Words

 

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break."

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth 

 

It's been a little over six months. I find the hardest part of grieving is the moments it unexpectedly overtakes you. Some moments I expect and are recurring so I continue to expect the sting. The ones that pierce the most are the ones that come out of nowhere or are the overflow of sharing the grief with my daughter. The grief is double edged sharing an intimate sorrow with her. I hurt for her and wonder if I did right including her. 

Though this sorrow is not the first for me it has been the deepest cutting. 

For anyone else grieving I hope that you know you are not alone. In the words of Helen Keller,

 " We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world- the company of those who have known suffering."

I am thankful that God Himself understands and knows the full extent of grief and suffering. I am thankful for the Psalms that are full of giving words to sorrow. I am thankful that this life is not the end. 

If you need someone to speak your sorrow to, I am here. Let us bear each other's burdens and turn our face toward home.

Pressing Onward,

Lani

 

Perspective

 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Mark 1:35

  Jesus set aside his heavenly throne where the earth was his footstool, bound himself in human flesh, was subjected to all the trials this world overflows and paused routinely to find a lonely place to pray. This thought came like a light breaking through dark clouds as I had left my home in tears and overwhelm to seek a few moments of unbroken quiet and stood looking over the valley I live in. It was dusk and the valley was already in shadow but the distant hills, the more distant red rock formations and the far away mountain peaks were still bathed in the sun's last rays. I felt comforted knowing that the God who made all before me understood the need to just get away. 

Whatever you might be facing, be encouraged that God is on his throne and from His vantage point sees all. He is the God who sees you. Even if you can't park at the top of a hill and look over a sweeping vista, you can always turn your eyes and heart toward Jesus who understands that we get easily lost in the trees and forget that it's a beautiful forest. And may we learn from His example to seek out routine solitude and prayer, remembering that He sympathizes with us. Let us not forget to set our hearts on pilgrimage and remember that our strength can only come from Him. (Psalm 84:5)

To the Kingdom and Home,

Lani

 

Covetousness

 

The horseman serves the horse,

The neatherd serves the neat,

The merchant serves the purse,

The eater serves his meat;

'Tis the day of the chattel,

Web to weave, and corn to grind;

Things are in the saddle,

And ride mankind.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ode

The last week or so we have been doing a lot of sorting through kids clothes, toys and other areas of the house to clean, re-organize and purge. It feels good to get rid of things we don't need and reduce clutter but it always strikes me how often we need to do this or it begins to take over. I am also always struck by the amount of time it requires. I often get the nagging sense that things are riding me.

In Scale How Meditations by Charlotte Mason she speaks to this. "We accumulate furnishings and pictures and appurtenance and belongings without end, and we say in vain, 'Soul take thine ease and enjoy that which thou hast got,' because it is the very nature of this fever of covetousness, this desire for the accumulation of things, that it grows on that upon which it is fed, and each new possession turns on, as it were, a dozen new desires. There is no middle way; only the one counsel will save us, - that we beware of  all covetousness."

 Jesus gives a clear warning in Luke 12:15.

As my home regains order and has less stuff, I am pondering these thoughts and council. I want to guard my heart against covetousness, especially the kind that is more subtle and tries to slip in to soothe my soul with things rather than with Christ. I want to be a good steward of the possessions God gives me and keep the reigns of things firmly in hand.

Spilled Water

 

We have an R.O system for our drinking water and we fill this jar about twice a day. It takes a good 20 minutes or so to fill it and for most of the time it's filling it's chattering away like a little brook. As I or the kids go about doing life, one or more of us is often keeping an eye and ear on it, until one of us, usually me, yells out alarmingly, turn the water off! The jar is more than full and is spilling all over the table and floor. This has happened several times and each time I feel the pang of annoyance with myself for not setting the timer because I was sure I'd catch it before it was full this time!

 Charlotte Mason spoke a lot on the topic of habits and how, when they are intentionally built, they create "smooth and easy days" for us and our kids. But the building of habits is work and time consuming and we can tend to deceive ourselves into thinking that if we just keep an eye on our kids they'll develop the character and good habits we want for them. As my years as a parent increase I am more convinced that this is just not so! If I had set for myself the habit of setting a timer, every . single . time I filled the water jar, I would not have cleaned my floors as many times as I have with R.O water! 

May we be diligent in building and maintaining habits in ourselves and our children knowing that we will have work either way. I'd rather not have to clean up spilled water quite so much.

In what ways do find habits to help you have "smooth and easy days"? 

"A Thinking Love"

 "Maternal love is the first agent in education." 

-Pestalozzi

Pestalozzi said, "The mother is qualified, and qualified by the Creator Himself, to become the principal agent in the development of her child;...and what is demanded of her is a thinking love...God has given to thy child all the faculties of our nature, but the grand point remains undecided- how shall this heart, this head, these hands, be employed? to whose service shall they be dedicated? A question the answer to which involves a futurity of happiness or misery to a life so dear to thee. Maternal love is the first agent in education."

(Home Education Volume 1 p. 2)

My husband and I struggled with infertility for five years before we both felt our hearts open to adoption. Seven years into our marriage we became parents to Zachary, our beautiful Ethiopian son. I was finally a mom. What I didn't grasp then was, the moment they placed him in my arms, his education had begun. 

He is 15 now and through the years God has taught me much. I am so glad that He deems me qualified to be a mother. There are a lot of days I pray asking Him what in the world was He thinking when He blessed me with children? But God's love is always a thinking love .

In pondering the above quote, it struck me that as a general rule the days that run more smoothly and have more moments of connection and joy with my kids are the days I have started with "a thinking love." First, meditating on the love of Christ for me and then aligning my heart and mind to His word. The days I don't prioritize this thinking usually don't go so well. 

On the days we deem good or bad, we as mothers, are always teaching our kids. I have been humbled (and will probably continue to be!) by realizing many times a habit or behavior I don't like in one of my kids has been cultivated by my actions; by my teaching. You cannot give what you don't have. When a character issue arises that needs to be addressed, I have slowly, over the years, learned to first take a look in the mirror. I usually have to work on myself first before I can give a thinking love to my child. When I am more successful in doing this the effect between my child and I is usually pretty dramatic and happens in a fairly short time frame. Repentance, paired with action, goes a long way as well.

In other areas of raising my children I am continuing to learn to give a thinking love to the questions Pestalozzi posed. How will my child's heart, head and hands be employed and to whose service?  In part, this can be given by providing an array of good literature, crafts that create useful items, the study of nature, art and music. But we as mom's need to teach our children by our own actions of engaging with the wide horizons of knowledge God has made available to us. Let our children see us reading a variety of books and sharing what we've learned, let us make time to create, let them see us be intentional in observing the natural world around us and let us find joy in art and music. Let our relationship with Jesus be transparent and visible to them so that they can see it is not religion but a living relationship we have with God, and that our service is employed to Him. If it is not important to us it is unlikely our children will attach any value to it themselves. We must not forget that we are the first agent in our children's education.

What are some ways you do employ a thinking love toward your children? In what areas can you work on more intentionally providing a thinking love?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

To Meow...

 

What greater gift than the love of a cat.

-Charles Dickens

His official name was Romeo because he was so loving and sweet. When I met him in the adoption area in Petsmart I had my crazy Jack Russel terrier with me. I needed a cat that would be okay with him. The moment they put Romeo next to Dash, he rubbed up against him. I knew I'd found a very special cat.

Through the years he accepted many more dogs and always persuaded them that he was meant to be top "dog".  You could basically do anything to him and, never once, in his 21 years, did he scratch or retaliate. 

His name morphed into Meow because he was a great conversationalist. As he aged he even expanded his vocabulary and often had us in laughter. He knew what other pets were family and never tried to eat them, namely the several guinea pigs we had and a bird we rescued, even though he was an avid and accomplished hunter. 

He was my constant companion through early marriage, infertility, adoption, birth, miscarriage's and moving. He was fiercely loyal to us and even though he became an indoor/outdoor cat in his mid to later years, he never strayed far or was gone long. We were his. 

Only eternity will ever be long enough. As I glimpse back over the past 20 years with him they all seem but a moment. 

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure."  -Psalm 39:5

"For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  -Romans 8: 19, 25

My hope rests firmly in knowing that one day all will be set right. The pain we endure here will be nothing. And I'll hear my sweet RoMeow welcoming me home.

The Heart of the Matter

 "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." 

-C.S Lewis

I'm sitting facing my oldest daughter, staring hard at her as my mind whirls. Emotions surge like waves wanting to crash out in a torrent of words that, if I let them loose, will burn like salt water in a wound. Words I won't be able to wash away. So I continue to stare. 

I search her eyes and see myself there, my own pride and stubbornness that wants to justify itself by scolding her to somehow relieve my own guilt. And then, as the emotions settle, I turn my heart toward the only One who can rescue us both, and knowing that I need exactly what she needs, I know what to say. 

As the years slip by and my children grow, I find myself coming to a deeper and deeper realization that they are each a mirror to my own faults and shortcomings. The anger that can rise and bubble over isn't coming about because of their actions, but because it's already there in me, just waiting for the right catalyst to let it explode. I don't like what I see in the mirror, and it isn't my child staring back at me, it's my own reflection.

When I refuse to see my reflection in the mirror, but focus on protecting my own sin, I cannot wish for my loved one's ultimate good. I cannot even wish for my own ultimate good! God's persistent love brushes past the fluff of affectionate feeling and our tumultuous emotions and patiently presents us with mirrors, not to condemn us, but to show us that if we are willing to look, we will see love staring back at us.

Rhythms and Limits

"How difficult it is to be simple."

Vincent Van Gogh

Waking before the kids and stealing down to the river one morning this week was balm for my soul. The last month or so I have been developing a new habit for myself of earlier to bed, earlier to rise and an hour of time set aside to read, pray and align my heart to the rhythm of God's heartbeat.  Finding the new rhythm has been challenging, so much so I've had my older kids call dad to "tell" on me for not taking my hour and trying to jump straight into the day. The rule for me is to start with my hour of quiet time before anything else. No matter what. Part of the challenge is my physical limits. I have fibromyalgia and Raynaud's syndrome which a good amount of the time makes sleeping difficult which leads to poor bedtime hours and sleeping in late. When I've had a harder night I am very tempted to skip that first hour, but as the habit becomes routine, I am seeing that it's worth keeping the rhythm going even if that means jumping into everything else later in the morning.

I love how God has given us the natural world to show us so many practical lessons. The seasons are an annual rhythm and each have their limits. Growing up in Hawaii where it is sub-tropical, I can see how not having seasons has many draw backs, such as bugs all the time and not getting to experience certain kinds of beauty, such as leaves changing color in the autumn. 

An unexpected result of my morning routine is a realization that I can incorporate other rhythms throughout my day to help me cope with my physical limits. One of those is laying down for half an hour in the middle of the day. A lot of my chronic pain is soothed with this simple practice. Coming to accept this is a big deal for this enneagram type one. I love creating to do lists and crossing them off and feeling productive. And yet, why after a day of fulfilling tasks do I so often feel unsatisfied, as if I've missed something important?  

I've come to see that relationship must trump task. Always. In the natural world, if the relationships in an ecosystem aren't working the way God designed, things go terribly wrong. You may have a lot of production, say of eggs, if you strip acres of land to build an egg farm, but you loose all the natural relationships that the land is meant to thrive on. (A very inspiring documentary that shows this is called The Biggest Little Farm)

I am coming to see that starting my day with my relationship with God and myself is the right order. It has reduced a lot of my stress throughout the day that I would direct towards my kids and they are seeing the value of ordering things the way God designed them to work best. There is much freedom in working with rhythms and limits, whatever yours may be, but always hold relationships as the highest priority and everything else will fall into place. 

What rhythms and limits do you practice or struggle with? I'd love to hear in the comments. 

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they?"

Matthew 6:26

 

Summer Treasure

"But when the sun's bright beams fierce

thirst in spire,

And shrill cicada all the woodlands tire,

Then, to deep well and spreading

water guide, 

Or oaken troughs by living rills supplied."

-Virgil's Georgic III 29 BCE

My middle son came in all excited to have discovered this ball of sap that he'd found on one of our trees in the backyard.  As we examined it I realized that top blob of hardening sap had perfectly captured many details of a cicada. How this could have happened I am not sure, but what a special find!

Did you know that the ancient Greek culture had a soft spot for these loud, humming bugs? The Greek poets wrote about them using them as a symbol of life, death and love. They thought that they only needed dew and air to survive. The cicada is mentioned in the poem of the Iliad and in the story of Tithonus, who essentially is turned into a cicada when eternal youth wasn't able to be granted in tandem with eternal life. The Greeks seem to have loved the humble cicada so much they even kept them as pets. 

This poem from the collection of Anacreontea (translated by Egan) around 1 B.C. and 6 C.E. shows the admiration for the summer treasure of the cicada.

"We know that you are royally blest

Cicada when, among the tree-tops,

You sip some dew and sing your song;

For every single thing is yours

That you survey among the fields

And all the things the woods produce.

The farmers' constant company,

You damage nothing that is theirs;

Esteemed you are by every human

As the summer's sweet-voiced prophet.

Muses love you, and Apollo too,

Who's gifted you with high pitched song.

Old age does nothing that can wear you,

Earth's sage and song-enamored son;

You suffer not, being flesh-and-blood-less

A god-like creature, virtually."

 

Out of the Box

"Every curriculum makes a great servant and a terrible master."

I started my homeschooling journey using a boxed curriculum. It came with all the books and an open-and-go teacher's manual with lots and lots of boxes to check off to assure me I was educating my children properly. As time went on we couldn't keep up with all the box checking. At family dinner time dad would ask the kids what they learned during school and their replies were blank stares. Tears from the kids, as well as from me, along with their mounting resistance to lessons, brought me to a hard stop. Something had to change.

I don't think there is a "one size fits all" way of educating at home, but I do think there are some universal and natural laws that we can work with to effectively tap into a person's natural interest in learning. I wanted to spark that flame and nurture it and, thankfully, I discovered the Charlotte Mason method.

The first book I read that gave me a good introduction was "For the Children's Sake" by Susan Schaeffer. It was freedom from the box!  I began to develop my why from just wanting my kids to be home to wanting to really teach them. It grew to include priorities of character and relationship over task and busy work, comprehension over speed and a variety of subjects rich with meaning over dull, lifeless facts. My kids responded almost instantly to the shift and tears were replaced with, "school is fun!"

The Charlotte Mason method is not a magic wand. My kids still whine and complain at times and I don't have an open-and-go curriculum. But the freedom and sparks of joy from engaged learning are worth the work to stay out of the box.