The Heart of the Matter

 "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." 

-C.S Lewis

I'm sitting facing my oldest daughter, staring hard at her as my mind whirls. Emotions surge like waves wanting to crash out in a torrent of words that, if I let them loose, will burn like salt water in a wound. Words I won't be able to wash away. So I continue to stare. 

I search her eyes and see myself there, my own pride and stubbornness that wants to justify itself by scolding her to somehow relieve my own guilt. And then, as the emotions settle, I turn my heart toward the only One who can rescue us both, and knowing that I need exactly what she needs, I know what to say. 

As the years slip by and my children grow, I find myself coming to a deeper and deeper realization that they are each a mirror to my own faults and shortcomings. The anger that can rise and bubble over isn't coming about because of their actions, but because it's already there in me, just waiting for the right catalyst to let it explode. I don't like what I see in the mirror, and it isn't my child staring back at me, it's my own reflection.

When I refuse to see my reflection in the mirror, but focus on protecting my own sin, I cannot wish for my loved one's ultimate good. I cannot even wish for my own ultimate good! God's persistent love brushes past the fluff of affectionate feeling and our tumultuous emotions and patiently presents us with mirrors, not to condemn us, but to show us that if we are willing to look, we will see love staring back at us.