"A Thinking Love"

 "Maternal love is the first agent in education." 

-Pestalozzi

Pestalozzi said, "The mother is qualified, and qualified by the Creator Himself, to become the principal agent in the development of her child;...and what is demanded of her is a thinking love...God has given to thy child all the faculties of our nature, but the grand point remains undecided- how shall this heart, this head, these hands, be employed? to whose service shall they be dedicated? A question the answer to which involves a futurity of happiness or misery to a life so dear to thee. Maternal love is the first agent in education."

(Home Education Volume 1 p. 2)

My husband and I struggled with infertility for five years before we both felt our hearts open to adoption. Seven years into our marriage we became parents to Zachary, our beautiful Ethiopian son. I was finally a mom. What I didn't grasp then was, the moment they placed him in my arms, his education had begun. 

He is 15 now and through the years God has taught me much. I am so glad that He deems me qualified to be a mother. There are a lot of days I pray asking Him what in the world was He thinking when He blessed me with children? But God's love is always a thinking love .

In pondering the above quote, it struck me that as a general rule the days that run more smoothly and have more moments of connection and joy with my kids are the days I have started with "a thinking love." First, meditating on the love of Christ for me and then aligning my heart and mind to His word. The days I don't prioritize this thinking usually don't go so well. 

On the days we deem good or bad, we as mothers, are always teaching our kids. I have been humbled (and will probably continue to be!) by realizing many times a habit or behavior I don't like in one of my kids has been cultivated by my actions; by my teaching. You cannot give what you don't have. When a character issue arises that needs to be addressed, I have slowly, over the years, learned to first take a look in the mirror. I usually have to work on myself first before I can give a thinking love to my child. When I am more successful in doing this the effect between my child and I is usually pretty dramatic and happens in a fairly short time frame. Repentance, paired with action, goes a long way as well.

In other areas of raising my children I am continuing to learn to give a thinking love to the questions Pestalozzi posed. How will my child's heart, head and hands be employed and to whose service?  In part, this can be given by providing an array of good literature, crafts that create useful items, the study of nature, art and music. But we as mom's need to teach our children by our own actions of engaging with the wide horizons of knowledge God has made available to us. Let our children see us reading a variety of books and sharing what we've learned, let us make time to create, let them see us be intentional in observing the natural world around us and let us find joy in art and music. Let our relationship with Jesus be transparent and visible to them so that they can see it is not religion but a living relationship we have with God, and that our service is employed to Him. If it is not important to us it is unlikely our children will attach any value to it themselves. We must not forget that we are the first agent in our children's education.

What are some ways you do employ a thinking love toward your children? In what areas can you work on more intentionally providing a thinking love?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!